Zim's Great Fanfic to beat all fanfics!
by Mirage DeDreamer
Summary: IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL FANS OF THIS FIC!!!! PLEASE READ!!!!
1. A Challenge!

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Special Addition Author's Note: I was just as heart broken as anyone when I heard about Nick canceling IZ. I even considered ripping up this fic. But then I thought better of it. If worst comes to worse then all we'll have left will be fanfics and recorded episodes. With the Tallest as my witnesses I won't stop writing or reading (as long as there are other IZ authors around) the Invader Zim fanfics I love so much. I hope you all agree cause it's a lonely section that has only one author. Anyway, this is an idea I've been tossing around while I've been really frustrated with my other IZ fics and skool. I hope you all like it.

Sick to death of disclaimer; if I must say something about ownership then it'll be Jhonen created it, made it was it IS, and Nick's just a bunch of…

It was a dark and stormy night. Hail the size of malnourished poodles pounded down on the empty sidewalk. No one in their right mind would be out on a night like this. However, it is foolish to assume that every being in this wide, wide world is in their right mind. For tonight a murderer walked the streets of Henniker. 

Felicity Varns was dressed only in her bathrobe. Totally oblivious to the fact that the window she had so carelessly left open was about to be her final downfall. She didn't even consider the window until she heard the hail hitting the bathroom window. Fearing for her plants she ran to shut the window. She was too late. She closed the window and turned around only to be confronted by a masked murderer. And then the ninjas attacked-

"De!"

"What!" yelled DeDreamer, irritated by the interruption.

"Can you log on to one of those Zelda websites and find me a walkthrough?" asked her little brother Ryan walking into the room. 

"Not now," replied De getting more annoyed with every word. "I'm working on my action/adventure-murder-suspense-with-ninjas-story." Ryan chuckled then stopped abruptly when he saw the computer screen.

"Oh you're serious."

"Yeah," replied De rolling her eyes.

"Well, I helped you look for your pitchfork," said Ryan sensing he was losing the argument.

"Yeah, but we never found the pitchfork did we?" said De as if explaining to one of the Nickelodeon executives, not that he brother was that much more intelligent. 

"So! I need my walk-through!" cried Ryan now officially desperate (he gets this way whenever he plays video games all morning, I blame the radiation).

"Look! Why don't I use my mysterious author powers and yank Link or whomever it is you want out of their dimension so you can tie them to a chair and force quality advice from them!" suggested De too annoyed to think about what she was saying.

"Is that legal?" asked Ryan sounding hopeful.

"I don't know, do video game heroes count as US citizens?"

"I don't think so, it might be a copyright violation though."

"What isn't? I'll give it a shot."

"You will?" asked Ryan getting all puppy eyed. 

"Not if you keep looking at me like that. Come on." With those sentiments De lead the way to her room, where she opened one of her closets (I have 3, don't ask) and pulled out a very battered, complex, looking device.

"What is it?" asked Ryan slightly awed.

"An inter-dimensional transporter… thing," said De as she fiddled with the numerous knobs and buttons. 

"How does it work?"

"Can't tell you," answered De almost too quickly. 

"Why not?" asked Ryan trying to look pouty and failing miserably. 

"Because…" said De trailing off as she hit a button with excessive force, turning the machine on.

"Tell me!" yelled Ryan over the din created by the inter-dimensional-teleporter-thing.

"Because it is a very complicated device that not even I know how to run!" yelled back De as quickly as she could. Fortunately for what was left of DeDreamer's dignity a strange portal opened (yes in my closet) and practically spit out a small green being. The being flew past the author and demi-author hitting the wall and creating a crack that would cause De's mother (and by default De) much grief. 

"De!" whine Ryan once the dust and noise created by the inter-dimensional traveler's arrival has subsided. "You got the wrong guy."

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"Where am I!" demanded the little green man.

"Hi Zim," said De a little nervous and a lot embarrassed. Ryan groaned and was about to launch into a long stream of complaints but De stamped on his foot before he could get started.

"How do… oh, you must be another one of those authors," said Zim obviously unimpressed.

"Well yes…" started De.

"Fools! As if you could EVER capture the glory that is ZIM in one of your PATHETIC hyuuuuman stories!" shouted Zim tossing a ceramic cat his had been examining over his shoulder. De winced as the thing shattered upon impact with the floor. "Stupid human stink stories," muttered Zim causing De to glare and Ryan to nod his head in agreement. 

"You… you wouldn't happen to working on one would you?" asked Zim sounding interested in spite of everything he had just said.

"Actually I've been working on several," replied De unable to resist talking about one (or several) of her fanfics. "They aren't going anywhere though," she added rather regretfully.

"Never fear human! For I, ZIM, shall help you rescue your pathetic little story," declared Zim grandly, dropping one of De's treasured ceramic dragons in the process (which Ryan caught just for the sake of getting into the story again). Having 'offered' his help Zim promptly marched out the door and down the hall looking for the main computer.

"Wait a minute Zim," said De following him. Ryan sighed, dropped the ceramic dragon on De's pillow and followed the odd pair; it didn't look like he'd be beating Ikana Cavern today. 

Zim found the computer and used climbed (with some trouble) onto the chair. "So… how do you access files on this primitive thing?" asked Zim randomly hitting buttons. 

"Hey! You'll ruin my story!" said De trying to grab the keyboard away from the little Invader. 

"Is that what this trash is?" asked Zim scanning De's opening. "I thought it was a virus." De turned red and would have hit the guy if she had had the extra space in her hotmail account for all the hate mail she'd get in response to her actions. 

"Listen Zim, writing stories isn't easy. It takes a lot of hard work, dedication and sugar," said De more irritated than she had been with Ryan.

"Hmmmph, I could write better trash than this," declared Zim deleting De's story.

"Oh yeah right," replied De.

"Oh yes I could," replied Zim.

"No you couldn't," replied De remarkably like a 7-year-old.

"Yes I could."

"Can't, can't, can't!"

"Could, could-

"Shut up!" yelled Ryan, he was utterly fed up with the whole ordeal. Zim and De glared at Ryan who suddenly became very self-conscious. "I mean, can't you just let Zim write a fanfic and then you'd know for sure if he could write," said Ryan a little nervously.

"Not a bad idea for a human stinkbeast," said Zim thoughtfully.

"Like Zim knows the first thing about fanfiction," said De still a little put out. 

"Very well! I shall write a fanfic! And it will be the greatest, most fanfictionisty piece of writing ever!" With that Zim spun around in his chair and typed 'Once upon a time…' on the screen.

"Er, that is how these stories start isn't it?" asked Zim a little uncertainly.

"Depends on what type of story you're writing," replied De smoothly. "That type of beginning is usually at the beginning of fairy tales."

"Fine, I shall write a parody of one of your pathetic Earth fairy tales," declared Zim turning back towards the monitor.

"You've read fairy tales?" asked Ryan curious in spite of everything.

"Yes I've read fairy tales," sneered Zim turning back to his 'fic' whilst muttering to himself "What kind of human worm baby hasn't know all the Earth fairy tales by heart."

"Doesn't matter if you know them or not Zim, you'll be sued if you don't put in a disclaimer," said De still sounding slightly annoyed with all this. "Or more likely, I'll be sued."

"Of course," said Zim. "I knew that." Zim's hand froze just above the keyboard. "Could you… just remind what one of these 'disclaimers' should look like?"

"Oh boy," said Ryan smacking his forehead. "Not even De can explain one of those…"

***

AN: Welp, there's my idea. What do you think? Will I crash and burn? I'm pretty sure I've only managed to channel and animated character once and I've always had trouble writing about Zim (more so sense the recent bad news Sign petitions!). Suggestions are always welcome, goodness knows I need them.


	2. Let the Typing Begin!

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AN: Special thanks to Ryan for taking over the story when I was stuck, you saved it from the 'Folder' even if you did write it in script format, out of character, and with every other word was spelt 'rong'. 

Disclaimer: Any authors who make an appearance in this fic belong to themselves. At least until I find a weakness in your pathetic planet's defenses allowing the mighty Irken Armada to come and crush your pitiful race! Destroying you all and making you our slaves! 

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Ryan: Not necessarily in that order.

In conclusion we apologize for using you without getting your permission first. It's been rather hard to contact certain authors lately; I blame you the reader and Microsoft.

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De: Spoken like a true politician Zim.

I have also been informed that 'Invader Zim' is owned by Jhonen Vasquez.

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Zim: When did this happen!?! I signed no papers! When did this Vasquez take over the world!

De: It was very gradual and subtle.

Ryan: Actually it was easy because of the utter lack of resistance.

De: Shut up!

Author's Note: This is a fairy-tale parody you blind Earth monkeys! Read on and be amazed by the creative writing genius that is ZIM! Make certain you write plenty of reviews praising my literary masterpiece and hailing me as your new leader or suffer!

Criticism will be accepted with an open mind.

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De: *coughhypocritecough*

Once upon a time there were two powerful Kings.

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De: Who saw that coming!?!

Zim: Silence stinkbeast! When I want your input I shall ask! 

The two Kings ruled their kingdom and about half of the other kingdoms extending out until the void with iron fists. They were loved by all. But yet they were not happy.

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De: Some things money can't buy, for everything else, there's master card!

Zim: Is this a MiSt?

De: Sorry, continue.

For they could not defeat the planet Blorch no matter how hard they tried. Their androids were just not fit for the job, until one day when the great King Purple was out getting a soda…

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De: And then?

Zim: I'm thinking!

De: Oh come on Zim, don't give up!

Zim: Oh! Now you're supportive!

De: Fine, I'll just leave you alone with your fic while I get a soda. *Stomps out of the room*

Ryan: *Very much forgotten while sitting in the background* If you're annoyed now, imagine living with her?

Zim: Shut up you pathetic human monkey! I'm trying to think up a fic to beat that huffy sister of yours.

Ryan: *offended* Then again I can't imagine having to live with you either.

Zim: *snorts* Like you could write a fanfic.

Ryan: I could and I have.

Zim: Oh really, and what would you put for a first line.

Ryan: *shoves Zim out of the chair*

King Purple: Man I'm parched.

Mysterious Voice: It's probably from all that whining you do whenever another planet slips through your fingers.

Purple: Who said that?

M.V: Me!

Purple: *Looks around cluelessly*

M.V: Down here you moron! In this pathetic puddle you call a pond!

Purple: *looks down, and lo and behold, a frog*

Frog: *sarcastically* My, you are a quick one aren't you. At least now I know who was behind the most recent bout of failures. How'd you get to be a king anyway?

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Zim: How dare you treat one of the Almighty Tallest in such a manner!

Ryan: Oh come on Zim! It's a fic! Besides the Tallest aren't here and I already have the Frog's personality all set up.

Zim: *grins maliciously* Oh well I recognized the frog instantly, but still, I will not write about the Tallest like this.

Ryan: Fine, I will.

Purple: *offended* Well, you know what they say, cream rises to the top.

Frog: Yeah well I say so does pond scum.

Purple: *annoyed* What do you know about it anyway? I should have you executed fore talking to me like that.

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Zim: I should have you executed for pretending Tallest Purple talks like that!

Frog: Oh I can just see it now, 'Guards! Grab that talking frog!' Just how stupid are your subjects? Besides, I'm here to help you.

Purple: *sarcastically* Oh yeah, you've been loads of help. I knew frogs were slimy and disgusting but sense talking to you I've learned they also have no manners!

Frogs: Fine, I can see you don't want any magical help!

Purple: *suddenly very excited* Wow! You're magic! Is that why you can talk?

Frog: *rolls eyes* No, I learned from some 'How to Talk to Morons' tapes I ordered from the back of 'Black Cats and other Magical Animals Monthly'.

Purple: Really?

Frog: Of course magic is why I talk!

Purple: Well! Give me whatever mystical message you have.

Frog: *thinking* Oh which message was that? Oh yeah, I remember! Congratulations! You will finally have the child you always wanted, you're pregnant!

Purple: What!

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Zim: What!

Ryan: Chill! I'll fix it!

Purple: I never wanted children! I'm male! *starts sobbing*

Frog: Huh? Oh yeah.

Purple: *wails* I'm not ready for parenthood!

Frog: Relax, I got the messages mixed up. I was supposed to tell you to genetically engineer a new race of Irkens called Invaders so you can take over the rest of the Universe.

Purple: *perks up instantly* That just might work! *jumps up and runs off yelling* Red! Red! I have an idea! And I think I might be a daddy!

Frog: *sighs* Figures that he'd get all the credit. And what do I get? Free flies. *snaps up a fly and makes a face* They call this a perk?

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Zim: Where'd the frog come into all of this anyway?

Ryan: Didn't you read that part?

Zim: Well um…no.

Ryan: What parts did you read?

Zim: The beginning.

Ryan: *gives Zim one of those looks*

Zim: Well I read the end too.

Ryan: So you know the general plot?

Zim: Well I actually I wouldn't call it reading so much as skimming.

Ryan: And you chose this fairy tale why?

Zim: Because that Cinderella girl scares me.

Ryan: Exactly which version did you read?

Zim: Well I didn't actually read it. GIR accidentally ordered it from PPV in the middle of the night instead of the 'Little Mermaid 2'.

Ryan: Oh…

De: *walks in loaded with snacks* Ryan! What are you doing at the keyboard! Zim! You're supposed to be writing!

Zim: It wasn't my fault! That barbarian you call your little brother pushed me out of my seat!

De: Oh yeah sure! *suddenly a door slams down stairs, one of the parents has arrived*

Ryan: To late! We have to get off the comp!

Zim: What! You disgusting humans haven't even given me a chance!

De: Next time! Mom'll kill us if she finds out I was on the comp!

Zim: So?

De: Well just tell the audience that I can't go on the computer because mom says I'm grounded forever because of grades and 'on going depression'!

Zim: So what does that mean?

Ryan: We apologize to the readers and tell them to expect the next part sometime tomorrow or something.


	3. Enter the Villain

Zim's Wonderful Fanfic to Beat all Fanfics!

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Ryan: Was that the original title?

De: No.

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: What is it with your humans and redundancy! I have already stated the fact that I own absolutely nothing and yet I must write one of these ridiculous things at the beginning of every chapter! The stupidity of you human stinkbeasts never fails to amaze me.

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De: You might just want to consider your audience when you say.

From now on just refer to the Disclaimer at the beginning of the fic for it applies throughout the rest of the fic. That is all!

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Ryan: How come you authors don't do that?

De: Some do, I don't.

Ryan: Why not?

De: Do we really have to discuss this now?

Zim: Shut your noise tubes human worms! I am trying to create a masterpiece!

Author's Note: Watch as I amaze you all with my natural ability at story telling! For I, ZIM, am now in control of the keyboard and everything that is written!

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De: That's what every new author thinks… at first.

Zim: What are you implying female fic writer? Are you saying that I do not have the ability to guide this story?

De: I'm just saying that no one ever knows exactly how a story will turn.

Zim: *scoffs* That's because I've never written a fic before. Just sit back and watch human, I am a master.

De: Fine. *goes over and sits on the window sill next to Ryan*

Ryan: *whispers* He has no clue does he?

De: Nope.

Now on with the fic!

So it was that the two great Kings hired an army of genetic engineers to create the perfect soldiers for their goal. And sure enough, within a few months the first Invaders were brought into the world. The Kings were very pleased with the results of the genetic engineering and decided to hold a giant banquet in honor of the occasion, complete with buffet table and a band to play some 'light music'. They invited everyone within reasonable traveling distance to the banquet, everyone except for one evil sorceress. 

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De: *to self* Oh no, trouble on the way.

Zim: *obviously has an idea in his head, one that is cause for much malicious grinning*

The evil sorceress Diblina who lived in the middle of a giant swamp on the edge of the Kingdom was not invited to the banquet. Not only were the Kings worried about the food bill but also the sorceress was annoying. She had a habit of launching into long-winded speeches about the existence of aliens and why she was not insane in the least. She also had very poor personal hygiene and no social skill so to speak of. The Kings had not wanted such a pathetic slob at their party, but being the disgusting blob of human that she was she decided to show up anyway.

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Ryan: Are sorceresses human?

De: You know there are a lot of Dib fans probably reading this.

Zim: Silence you! *laughs* Such nonsense, people preferring the Dibhuman to me. Now let me continue with my masterpiece.

Diblina: *pacing back and forth in her tower lab* Fools!

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Ryan: *mocking Zim's voice* Dib doesn't talk like that? Perhaps I should execute you for pretending he talks like that.

De: And what's with the sudden switch to script format.

Zim: The worm baby switched to script format in the middle of last chapter so I can too! *sticks tongue out and then turns back to the computer*

Diblina: I can't believe they forgot to invite me!

Diblina's hapless slave Max: Maybe they didn't 'forget' to invite you.

Diblina: What are you implying! That I have poor social skills! That people don't believe that I'm not insane! That my head is so hideously large that they don't want to associate with me!

Max: Yes. *gets fried*

Diblina: That's it! I am so crashing their party. *storms off*

~*~Meanwhile~*~

It was the day of the celebration at last and everyone in the kingdom had come. Even the fairies that lived in the forest at the edge of the kingdom had come to offer their blessings. And when the time came for the Kings to present the Invaders the fairies stepped forward with their gifts.

Maniacal Dragon: How'd I end up a fairy?

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De: Draft.

M. Dragon: Oh well. Hey what am I supposed to do about this gift thing?

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Zim: Aargh! Use magic!

M. Dragon: Um….okay. *steps up to the platform where the Invaders and the Tallest are standing* You will never be killed in battle!

Audience: *stares blankly*

M. Dragon: Hmmm. *thinks* I know! String cheese for everyone!

Audience: *ew's and ahs*

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Zim: Where did that come from?

De: Told you, stories are unpredictable, especially in script format.

Zim: Now what do I do?

De: Go with it? *hands Zim a can*

Zim: What's this?

De: Highly caffeinated soda, an author's best friend.

Zim: Hmm. *takes a gulp of soda and continues typing* 

Red: *looks at Purple* It's practical.

Purple: *looks at Red* And I like cheese.

Red: We approve! Thank you very much for your gift!

Audience: *cheers*

M. Dragon: *bows and steps down from the platform and the next fairy steps up* Wow, that was easy.

Cyn Arrix: *steps up to the platform* Darn! I was going to give them cheese. Well… *thinks* I know! Your cereal will never get soggy in milk!

Audience: *cheers*

Red: Thank you very much!

Purple: Finally! A gift I can use!

M. Dragon: *to Cyn* Show off.

Cyn: *steps down and lets the last fairy step*

The Slayer: You know, I hate being referred to as a fairy. Well anyway, what would be a good gift?

Purple: I know! An unlimited supply of cherry soda!

Slayer: Alright! May-

Then suddenly there was a crash like thunder and a puff of smoke and Diblina was standing in the middle of the great hall. Flies buzzing around her and…

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De: Alright! That's it, get on with the story.

Zim: *sniffs* Fine. But don't think you can tell me how to write my fics.

De: Just get on with it! Man these interruptions are bad for plot development.

Ryan: Wow De, I didn't think you knew what a plot was! I'm impressed!

De: Very funny. Can we just get back to the fic now please!

Diblina: *starts choking from all the smoke but recovers quickly and stomps off towards the platform* Try and exclude me will you! Well I won't take this lying down! A curse on you! *waves arm and another puff of black smoke this time accompanied by what looks like blue lightening*

M. Dragon: *whispers to Cyn* Why does he get all the special effects?

Cyn: *whispering* Don't you mean she?

M. Dragon: But Dib's a guy?

Cyn: But Diblina's a girl.

M. Dragon: Fine, then why does _it _get all the special effects?

Cyn: *shrugs* Got me.

Diblina: *totally oblivious to the other fairies* In exactly 11 years there will be an explosion when a laser machine falls on a smoke machine. The resulting fumes will kill you all! *evil laughter* Hey, does this sound harsh to anyone else?

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Zim: *guzzling soda* Silence! *hic* Earth stink! I'm *hic* in control of this *hic* fic!

De: Oh no.

Ryan: You just had to offer him some soda didn't you. *smacks forehead*

Red: Hey! Why should we, the Kings of half the universe, believe you, the sorceress who lives in tower in a swamp?

Purple: Yeah! You don't even have good taste in clothes! I mean, who wears black to a royal celebration! Hello!

Red: *rolls eyes* Thank you so very much for your support Purple.

Purple: No problem Red!

Red: *smacks forehead*

Diblina: Fools! Don't doubt the validity of my curse! It's part of the plot!

Purple: Oh. *turns to Red* Is that true?

Red: *shrugs* I think so.

Purple: Oh. Then that would be bad.

Diblina: That will teach you not to invite me because of the way I look!

Purple: *to Red* I thought we invited her because of the way she smells… ow!

Red: *after elbowing Purple* Quiet, we're in enough trouble as is!

Diblina: *cackles and disappears in a puff of smoke*

The Slayer: *still standing on the platform* Well that was weird. Is there anything I can do to help?

Red: Nah, we'll just get rid of all the smoke machines.

Purple: *eyes get big* What! Why don't we just get rid of all your lasers!

Red: Oh come on! Smoke machines are stupid; lasers are what the people want!

The Slayer: Okay, I think I'll just try to remove that curse anyway. *attempts a few random spells* Well I can't stop the curse completely because then this story would have no point but I can change it so that you all just go to sleep.

Purple: Man, that doesn't help- ow!

Red: *has elbowed Purple again* Thanks anyway Slayer, we'll just look into getting rid of those smoke machines.

Slayer: Alright. *retreats quickly*

Purple: Would you shut up about getting rid of my smoke machines! We should just throw out your lasers!

Red: No way!

Purple: Well I'm not getting rid of my smoke machines.

Red: Well I'm not getting rid of my lasers! That's for sure!

And so the argument continued for the next 11 years until the whole origin of it was forgotten…

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Ryan: *laughs* Told you making fun of the Tallest was fun!

Zim: *snorts* I wasn't making fun of the Tallest, the debate of Smoke machines vs. Lasers has been going on ever sense they came to power. It's practically mandatory.

De: Weird… Anyway, why don't you go over and do some revisions and then post this thing. 

Zim: *scoffs* I have no need for these revisions!

Ryan: *to De* He doesn't know what they are.

De: *to Ryan* Definitely.

Zim: I shall post this immediately and watch you turn green, so to speak, with envy as I triple the amount of reviews your pathetic brother got!

Ryan: *mutters* That shouldn't be too hard, my chapters only got two reviews so far.

Zim: *totally oblivious to what Ryan just said* Yes! You shall all bow to Zim as your fanfic King!

Ryan: Think I liked him better on a sugar high.

De: Whatever happened to posting this immediately.

Zim: *snorts* I'm getting to it.

AN: Well what did you think of my masterpiece! Review now or face the moose!

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Zim: How was that?

De: Very good.


	4. The Gingerbread Android

Zim's Fanfic

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De: Getting farther and farther from the original title as we go.

Ryan: You should do one of those contests you authors love so much and pick a new name for this fic that way.

Zim: Don't I have any say in this?

De: Not really.

Zim: It's my fic!

De: It's my computer!

Chapter 3: The Gingerbread Android

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Ryan: Oh so we have chapter titles now, who you trying to impress?

Zim: Silence you little…Silence you little human!

Ryan: Oh that hurt.

Zim: Well I couldn't think of anything worse that being human. Besides, the chapter titles were your sister's idea.

De: Told you Zim would make a good politician, now he's playing the blame game.

Disclaimer: What is it with you humans and the obvious! DeDreamer doesn't own me! No one owns ZIM! I am lord of all humans! Put that in your disclaimer and sue it!

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De: I think you're taking this whole 'I hate disclaimers' thing too far.

Zim: Silence! No one tells ZIM that he's gone too far! I'm not even near the line! I will tell you when I've gone too far!

De: Okay, I think it's time for me to go and get another soda now.

Eleven years passed quickly much though about the curse. The Invaders were doing remarkably well in training and on practice missions. Everyone of them the image of military might. Not a one of them was disobedient or unintelligent.

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Ryan: So you're not in this fic then?

Zim: Why don't you go get a soda with your sister!

Ryan: I'm not thirsty.

Zim: That wasn't a suggestion!

And as their training near completion the two Kings started contemplating their universal conquest. And when they had finished with their brilliant scheme they decided to have a great gathering. It was to be called 'The Great Assigning' and to be the biggest party sense the Invaders made their debut, complete with buffet table and light music. It was at this gathering that they would assign the Invaders' to their all-important missions.

Plans for the Great Assigning went smoothly enough with only one or two small casualties. Not quite a many people were invited as when the Invaders had first been introduced to the world but the money saved was going to be put towards getting a good band for a change. The auditorium had been inspected for fire hazards and been declared perfectly safe, enough with Red's elaborate laser show set up and running. It was going to be big.

The day of the gathering dawned bright and clear. The assigning went without a hitch. The audience cheered wildly after every sentence and the Kings were quite proud of themselves. But just as Purple was saying 'Help yourselves to the buffet, you moochers!' there was a great explosion. One of Red's lasers had hit a smoke machine that Purple had dragged out of storage cause it to explode. The smoke mixed with all the lasers causing noxious fumes to spread throughout the palace and surrounding area. Everyone was knocked unconscious and Diblina's curse fulfilled almost as she had planned. Not far away, in her tower in the swamp Diblina watched the whole thing with glee. 

However, all was not lost. For there was one Invader who had not been at the ceremonies. He had been sent on an important errand for the two Kings and been delayed.

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Ryan: They sent you to get more soda didn't they?

Zim: Yep.

His Voot Cruiser had heated, and through no fault of his own, exploded leaving him stranded in the neighboring kingdom. It was a dire situation indeed for only this Invader had the courage, the perserverance, the green-lean-mean body-

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Ryan: The swollen head!

To rescue his fellow Invaders. His name was ZIM.

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Ryan: What a surprise.

Zim: Didn't I tell you to go get a soda?

Ryan: I wasn't thirsty.

Zim: *groans*

Ryan: *gets up and walks out of the room*

Zim: Where are you going?

Ryan: To get a soda!

Zim: *mutters* Oh, so now he leaves. And just when I wanted someone to witness my brilliance.

Zim: Where in the world am I? *Looks around, the setting is your average medieval peasant village in the country, you know with unwashed cows running around every where. Zim watches one of these cows walks by*

Cow: Moo.

Zim: *gags* Aagh! The stench! What is it with humans and their disgusting creatures? When Invaders rule the world I'm going to ask to be placed incharge on a place like this just so I can outlaw these… these cows!

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Zim: *sighs* I'm going to go get a soda. *walks out of the room just as a mysterious figure sits down at the keys*

Cow: Moo! *turns and charges Zim*

Zim: Aaah! *runs* Mad cow! *ducks behind the bakery just as the cow passes* 

__

*Mysterious figure hides behind the computer desk, the sound of footsteps and conversation can be heard coming from the stairs*

Zim: So then I told him to go get a soda and of course he didn't until I wanted him there to read my fic. How do you humans stand to live with each other?

De: It's not easy I'll tell you that.

Zim: I really- *walks into the room and sits down at the computer* Hey, who wrote this?

De: *reads* Um, you?

Zim: I would never run from a bovine!

De: *shrugs* Well can't you just work with it?

Zim: *mutters but goes about typing anyway* Bet it was you.

De: How do you know it wasn't Ryan?

Zim: Simple, Ryan's ideas are good even if poorly spelt.

De: Harsh, just keep typing greenboy. 

Just then the door to the back door to the bakery opened and a little blue android stepped out. The robot was so intent on sneaking out that it didn't even notice Zim until it bumped into him.

Zim: What! Who are you?

Android: *salutes* I am GIR! How may I help you?

__

De: GIR doesn't talk like that!

Zim: Sure he does.

De: Not often!

Zim: It's my fic I'll make the characters act as I like.

De: That's called being out of character Zim and it really annoys people.

Ryan: *walks in holding a soda* What's out of character?

De: Zim's messing with GIR's personality!

Ryan: Hey, I like GIR the way he is!

Zim: You humans act like it's a crime to change a character's personality.

Ryan: Well it pretty much is!

De: Yeah, it's like a moral crime.

Zim: *snorts* You humans are pathetic. Just wait and see what I do next.

Zim: Well I need help getting back to the Irken palace. You wouldn't happen to know the way?

__

De: Oh like you're ever that polite.

Zim: Will you be quiet stinkbeast! I'm trying to type!

De: Well excuse me for breathing!

GIR: *still saluting* Yes sir! I will escort you back the palace. No one can catch me!

__

De: *snorts*

Zim: *glares but doesn't say anything*

Zim: Oh, why is that?

GIR: Because the G's for gingerbread! *does a little dance*

Zim: What?

GIR: *singing* Run as fast you can, you can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man!

Windows slammed as people turned to glare at the little dancing android. Zim suddenly felt very uncomfortable around all the hostility. Then someone shouted from the front of the bakery…

Baker: That's the android that stole all my gingerbread!

Skool Child: That's the little robot dude who took our gingersnaps! 

Random Villager: That green kid must be his accomplice! They're stealing the gingerbread and selling it on the black market!

Zim: *looks around nervously* Haha! Such nonsense! It's funny really.

Random Villager 2: Let's put together an angry mob and get em!

Zim: Aah! GIR, what did you do?

GIR: *grinning* I like gingerbread! *starts dancing again*

Zim: *grabs hold of GIR's arm* Quick! You said you know the way to the Irken palace!

GIR: *finishes his dance* Yep!

Zim: Then get us out of this cesspool and to the palace! Quickly!

GIR: Okay! *grabs onto Zim's arm* No one can catch me! *blasts off with Zim holding on for dear life*

Zim: *seated on GIR's back* Aaaaaahhhh!

GIR: Weeeheeheehooo!

The rocketed through the air screaming all the while. GIR continued at his break neck speed, not bother to avoid people, cows, or vegetable carts; though they certainly tried to avoid him. In a matter of seconds they were clear of the town and over the next hill, and then GIR's fuel gave out. Sheer momentum kept the going forward, they hit the ground several times but kept on bouncing back up until a tree halted their progress abruptly.

Zim: *shakily climbs to his feet holding his head gently* What happened? How did you run out of fuel so quickly?

GIR: *gets up spitting dirt* Oh I drained it!

Zim: *stunned* Why?

GIR: To make room for the milk!

Zim: Why in the world would you need milk!?!

GIR: *as if it should be obvious to anyone* Can't eat gingerbread without milk, Duh. *pops open his fuel line and starts drinking the milk*

Zim: *sighs and looks around* We have to get out of here.

GIR: Aaaw, I wanted to stay and watch the villagers rampage. They're funny!

Zim: Fine, you stay and get captured. *starts walking*

GIR: *jumps up and follows him* That sounds like fun but I have to go with you, you need my help.

Zim: *rolls eyes* Oh really.

GIR: You still don't know the way to the Irken Palace, and you might need protection from the flying monkeys.

Zim: *sighs* Gir, there are no flying monkeys.

Gir: Sure there are! I fight em all the time. *demonstrates his ability at fighting flying monkeys and includes sound effects* They're my speciality! (Note: he pronounces it spec-e-al-lit-ty)

Zim: I don't know about flying monkeys but if you know the way home then lead on.

Gir: Yay! *jumps up and hugs Zim hard*

Zim: *struggles desperately* Gir! You're crushing my spine! Get off!

Gir: Yay! I'm going with you! *lets go of Zim* So, we're we going?

Zim: *sighs, this is going to be a very long trip* To my home Gir, the Irken Palace.

Gir: Oh yeeaah. That's thisaway! *runs off*

Zim: *runs after him trying desperately to keep up* Are you sure you know where you're going?

Gir: Sure I'm sure! Just like I'm sure the sun sets in the east! *does a little cartwheel and continues onward*

Zim: *still running to keep up* Gir… oh nevermind.

Gir: *speeds up* Run run as fast as you can! Can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man!

Zim: Gir! You are not made of gingerbread!

__

Zim: *turns and look at Ryan and De* Well you've been suspiciously quiet for a pair of Earth monkeys.

Ryan: *tears up* We love Gir!

De: *hugs Ryan* Gir rules!

Zim: *sighs and turns back to the computer* Well I have one more thing to say.

Author's Note: If there's any of you fanfiction authors who think you're ready to be considered characters in my glorious fanfic then step forward with a description of your characters and an admission as to whether or not you prefer the Dibhuman to me.

__

Zim: *sighs* I'm tired.

De: Yeah, kind of stumped for ideas. To bad they aren't showing 'Invader Zim' on Nick at all, they ought to at least give us a chance to tape it.

Zim: *scoffs* Like they could ever accurately depict ZIM on some cartoon show.

De: Right, well anyway you got to put in a note so I have something to say as well. If you want to read a good parody then read 'Dib in Wonderland' by Spectra, it's way better than this fic.

Zim: Hey! I resent that!

__


	5. NOTICE!

Note: If this is poorly written please don't get to mad because I'm extremely ticked off at the moment and trying to do this with as little ranting as possible, plus I'm trying to hide the fact that I'm not working on a science paper.

IMPORTANT

Due to complications (domestic, academic and trivial) Zim will have to return to his home dimension for a little while. My mom, the skool shrink, and a joint committee of brain-washed zombies some like to refer to as teachers have recently informed me that "extra-curricular" writing (especially fics) is unproductive and destructive to my delicate psyche. I have been ordered to cease writing any and all stories that are not skool related. But sense I've been writing stories everyday of my life since the second grade I have no intention of obeying them.

Ryan: Good thing you lost your "math" notebook before they searched your bag.

De: Oh shut up it's not funny.

Ryan: *sighs* I know.

De: Well anyway, this fic is in no danger of being discontinued sense there's an infinite amount of inspiration in those stupid fairy-tale books in the skool library. However it might take me awhile to get out the next chapter sense all work that has been done on it has been… well confiscated. What I really need help on is deciding which fics I should concentrate on sense I now not only have limited time to write fics I now have to hide them too. Here are the fics I've been working on:

Operation Infiltration: Well this fic has pretty much been discontinued indefinitely but if anyone still wants to see just how Zim and Dib get out of Ms. Bitters' house then let me know and I'll see about getting some free time to write it up.

Maze: This is the fic about Dib and Zim being captured by the Snorkans (remember 'One Bad Day'?), well I need to know if anyone still cares. Just in case you're wondering what I have planned for this fic I was planning to finish it in the next 2 or 3 chapters. I'm also hoping to bring back more of the humor aspect once Dib and Zim actually do get around to thinking about escape. There are also a couple of angsty parts in the scenes which I've written and shown to Ryan, he says they seem kinda shounen-ai to him but that's just the way his sick little mind (if it is it wasn't intentional I'm for or against slash I'm more focused on humor and action).

The Invader: This is that fic about Zim and the Tallest as kids. I'm stuck on the second chapter, but not for lack of trying I'll tell you that. There's not a lot of humor in this fic, it mostly has angst, action adventure, and something that I'm don't know what to call except realistic fiction Zim style. I'm more of a Dib fan but for some reason I've been writing a lot of fics totally focusing on Zim lately and enjoying it. 

Behind the Scenes the M- wait… that was something else (or The Sponge Must Go!): My own doom nick fic with a twist! Very few authors actually involved… as of yet anyway. I stopped working on this because I thought that 'Maze' and 'The Invader' would be so much easier to get information for (foolish, foolish girl). Despite my earlier lack of enthusiasms the mood seems right to bring it back. 

The Earthling (Companion story to The Invader): I actually started planning this before I even thought of writing 'Invader' or even 'Operation Infiltration'. It's my special fic that all my current fanfics are supposabley working towards. Despite the title it is not all about Dib and has a large focus on Zim, the Tallest, and a couple of civilizations I made up off the top of my head one night. This also might have a few references to 'Maze' as well. Unlike 'Invader' this will probably be considerably longer and have a lot more humor. My only concern is when I first started writing this in my notebook at 2:30 a.m. a lot of the ideas were original but have sense been used. I'll be working on this fic no matter how the vote turns it's just a matter of whether or not I post it.

Anyway, I've tried to write this with as little ranting and raving about our pathetic public education system as much as possible. I will sneak on the comp and review all your fics when I can. Hope to get something posted soon. Happy obsessing!

DeDreamer

P.S: Can you download WinZip off the Internet? I need it to download Zim episodes.


End file.
